Laughter

My laughter
A crescent across my face
A gurgling, mirthful sound
An expression of my happiness

Laughter, like beams of sunshine
In chilly winter mornings.
Breaking barriers
Dissolving stress and awkwardness

Laughter which flows
Between friends,
Like a tripping brook,
Over every trivial word spoken.

Laughter, fills my lungs
An oxygen for my life.
Forcing my tears to flow out of my eyes.

It knows no constraints.
It bubbles up
In solemn meetings

It need no invitation.
Surprises us with a visit
While chatting with parents
Over dinner or a game of scrabble

Laughter, what will I do without it!!!

Missing

All around me i see
Ugly, hungry faces,
Course landscapes
Jarring views

I can't find my rose-tinted glasses
Which made everything look beautiful.

I hear, all the time,
Sad, melancholic voices
Mingled with cacophonous noises.

Where is that musical flute,
Which played happy tunes in my ear?

I can't find the meaning,
Of my life and my work.
I do not understand,
The twisted words spoken around me.
I cannot define myself anymore.
I lost my dictionary,
That beautiful dictionary with gold trimmings.

I find a frown,
Creeping between my eyebrows.
And a few angry words,
Settling on my tongue.
I wonder who invited them.
And my soft smile is missing.

I really must find them
I miss my happiness,
I miss my crazy optimism,
I miss myself,
I hope I find Anindita soon.

Highway

Hurtling down the dark highway,
The sky above dark and menacing.
I sat with my fellow passengers,
Cocooned in my little shell.
To each one of us,
The journey meant different things,
Each with a different destination,
Each with a unique purpose.

I looked outside,
The wind slapping across my face.
Saw silhouettes of
Rocks and hills and tress
Neon lights appearing like one continuous streak.

I passed villages, huts, people,
Farms, road side stalls,
All at top speed
My destination changing every minute.

I suddenly felt alone, uncertain
Questioned the purpose of this trip.
Felt absolutely vulnerable and unsteady.
A head full of doubts.
At this point, I felt your arm around me.
Loving me, encouraging me, understanding me.
Standing by me, come what may.
Never wincing from the pain I caused to you.
I felt utterly blessed.

I do not know where I am going,
Who I am, what I am doing
Do not know the burdens I am destined to carry
Or the people I have to leave behind.
I am just thankful for today.
That I met you, was loved by you....

Random Poem

Lost and Found

I saw her there, gone again
Ran swiftly, hid from my view
Peeped beckoned me to follow

She, with her bewitching smile
Twinkling, misbehaving eyes
The Sun caught in them.
Supple, graceful limbs
Kicking dust as she ran.
The wind lost somewhere in her hair.
A perfume of a thousand roses.

I reached for her, her arms reached for me
And when I touched her fingers
Fingers hard and cold
I found a mirror reflecting me.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply.
I had been chasing myself.
In a maze of ideas and dreams
Myriad lines crisscrossing my palm
Patterns in the sky
Faces and voices around me
In that utter chaos,
I found myself!!!

I found her, my own true self
An identity no one could steal or buy
Sometimes misunderstood.
Imperfect, scarred and clean.

When I am sixty,
with gnarled hands
Wrinkled body and grey hair.
She will still be there,
with her mischievous grin.
If you peer closely into my eyes,
You will find her there,
Dwelling under my aged skin.

Weekend

I look forward to weekend right from Monday morning. Even before I reach office.

A Friday evening is when I start breathing. N i absolutly hate it when Saturday gets over.
It's that Two-whole-free-days-to-do-wat-I-please feeling. steaming tea cup and newspaper in the morning. no hurry to eat lunch. calling a friend, chit chat. afternoon nap. evening snack. a long bike ride to nowhere. maybe a movie. curled up with a book, the radio playing. jeans n a t-shirt n floppy loafers. dropping in to friends place. talking non-stop nonsense. elaborate dinner followed by ice-cream. meeting friends in the ice-cream parlour. A late-late night movie session with friends, commenting on each scene and laffing.

y cant it be saturday everyday???

Saturday Blast!

I was unusually nervous this Saturday. Mummy had a minor operation n since Papa had office, I was to take Ma. It took about 5 hrs, from 12 to 5, before Ma was completely awake. I had called papa so that he picks us up on his way from office to home.

papa arrived at abt 5.30. From Moolchand to Nehru Place is this road which is always jampacked. So we generally take the GK1 road. Saturday, for once, we did not go thru GK1. when we reached home at abt 6.30, we heard that there has been 2 blasts in GK1.

Today, in office, there was a buzz. One girl had seen the blast which took place on Barakhamba Road. And she was sad that she had just run away instead of stopping to help. She said she was scared! I dont blame her.

GK1, CP and Karol Bagh are places where loads of ppl shop on Weekends. n wat with Durga Pooja just around the corner, there is a lot of shopping.

This is not the first time I was so near a blast. When I was in Class 10...11, there was a bomb blast abt 100 mts from my apartment in bahrain. There were no injuries. It was some Shiia Sunna agitation. The focus was just to show displeasure n not hurt innocent people.

But these recent bomb blasts are unforgiveable. It also brings into sharp highlight our ineffective security.

But wat saddens me most is wat happens after a bomb blast. We never seem to learn anything. All that our political parties do is squabble over whose fault is it. That apart from some cheap political mileage everyone seems to be interested in.
With a home minister as weak as Shivraj Patil, I dont expect any good to come out soon. But I do expect at least some sense of nationalism. Why is India such a weak and soft target? Why is everyone, every community able to hold up the entire nation by few acts of violence? Are we really looking for answers or just waiting for the next incident to divert public attention?

I am very angry....very very angry!

First Blog

Let me begin from from the beginning. One lazy afternoon, Sayanda n I were talking. After a very long discussion ( which I dont remember all too clearly) we had both decided to write a testimonial and a blog. I wrote a testimonial for Sayanda, he wrote a blog. After 2 yrs, Im finally sitting down to fulfill that promise.

My friend Pig, who happens to be fantastic with words, wrote abt marriage in her blog. N that got me thinking. She said that marriage is a checkpoint in our list of "to Do"s. The list starts from school, college, job and then comes to marriage.

Wats my take on this? Im confused. Nothing unusual abt that. I mean, I cant even decide on one name for this blog ( does this really have to do with my zodiac sign being Libra).

One part of me rejects marriage as an archaic concept. The whole idea of the girl leaving her home and changing her surname is not something i can accept easily. But these are the external manifestations of a far deeper issue. It's the expectation that a girl will change her personality and identity when she gets married. I dont want to make a sweeping generalisation that all guys are mean and will crush a girls spirit. However, it cant be denied that its a huge gamble.

At the same time, marriage is something which is inevitable. And I might as well enjoy the entire process rather than sulk and crib. Marriage is a concrete thing and brings a sense of order into our life. It is something which human beings have evolved. This institution has been around for ages. If it was defunct, it wud have been scrapped long time back. It has withstood the test of time. And strangely, each civilization, even in ancient times had developed this idea. So there must be some good in it.

Wats my expectation from marriage? A quick look into my life and I see that I lack nothing. Nothing which can be fulfilled by getting married. I have a wonderful family, a great set of friends, I am financially independent, I can take care of myself. So I am definitely not looking for any kind of support. Personally, I think this is a good state to be in. Two people shud marry when they are comfortable with their own selves. There must not be a clingy element. I wud not like someone to ever say that their life is useless without me.

Some time back, I read a book in which one lady tells her daughter, "There is no Love, all that is there is good manners". I wont vouch for this statement except in very cynical mood. But it is a very practical view of the world. Another statement in that same book said " You dont contemplate abt life. Just climb on the beast and ride it". My very whimsical nature agrees with that wholeheartedly.