A Teacher's Conscience

Being a teacher is no easy task. After four months of teaching 22 yrs old, future engineers the intricacies and complexity of unseen circuits, I have begun to understand my own teachers better.

The superficial difficulties are many. I guess a class is a chore for both the students and the teachers. What a revelation!! But that's is the last thing you would want to show. Apart from that, whatever your own mood is, engaging a class for 60 minutes is something, day after day.

But the main difficulty I faced is deeper. Reaching a balance between justice and compassion. How do you differentiate a good student from bad? Obviously by rewarding the good and punishing the bad. Which means, be harsh to someone who misbehaves and is irregular. At the same time, i do not want the responsibility of, knowingly, spoiling someones career. I dont want to play God.
To judge a student objectively, without bias or prejudice, which they deserve is easier said than done. If a student misbehaves in class and yet has all the answers, how do you treat him/her? A soft spoken guy without any idea what is going on in the class. A hardworking fellow who is unable to perform. A student who treats his/her teacher like shit, but has an impressive knowledge. An answer sheet with atrocious handwriting but perfect answers. What do you do in such cases?

It is easier for people to see everything in black and white. Any shade of grey is a potential danger zone.

A teacher is a mortal as well but to a student, he/she is always a symbol of oppression. To be vulnerable and yet seem invincible is how I see a teacher nowadays.

Inspite of all the problems, I find my rewards, each and every day. When I explain a tricky concept and i see atleast some heads nod ( with comrehension). It was a good day when a student came up to me day before and said a simple Thank you!

Dancing in the Rain

What was that? Fingers peeping out of a car window? When all around, everyone wore a frown and every car was honking as loud as possible, these fingers have decided to dance in the summer rain. Inspite of the water logging, inspite of the traffic which has not moved an inch in the last 15 minutes, inspite of the well.... anger in the air.

He peered to get a better look. Ordinary fingers, no rings, possibly no nail-polish or manicure but what an extraordinary ballet! Fingers peeping out from a half rolled up window.

It was in the way the finger danced with merry abandon amidst the chaos. Water dripping from the tips while the fingers themselves fluttered to a tune unheard before. Sluicing the monsoon wind. Catching the drops of heaven, recklessly wet.

He was sure that the lady with those fingers was perhaps the only face smiling there. The rain had come only for her. He could not see her face but it seemed that he knew all about her. She did not have to behave like those scenes in movies, where the hero falls in love while watching the heroine dance in the rain. She was not really waiting for a Prince Charming.
The sparkle in her eyes had the power to light up a gloomy mood, her touch could soothe a distressed soul. She had a habit of humming a tune, of smiling at strangers. Speaking with a lilt, scattering soft, round words. Throwing back her head for a good laugh.

She was a woman with many tints and hues. For whom, every season brought new joy and discovery. The world was there to make her happy each day. Morning brought her new promises and she gave back her best to the world around her.

Finally the traffic moved. As he accelerated, he was aware of his encounter with an extraordinary woman. A faceless, nameless woman. He took out his phone and after many months, called his sister.

Thinking Too Much

Time and again, I have been accused of thinking too much. This has been said by a number of people. Strangely, most of the people who said this were guys.

I am trying to find out just what made these people say this? IS it true, that I think too much? Or is it that people are uncomfortable with listening to others thoughts? Or does it really have to do with the XY chromosome, which prohibits people to be in tune with others thoughts. In all honesty, I have expressed my thoughts more often to girls and have heard so many girls express their thoughts. In none of those situtations did I ever feel that we must not think so much.

lemme start with what do i think abt most. The primary subject of my thoughts is very obviously me. But this identity does not quite dominate my thoughts when I am conversing with a person. Most of the times, I am acutely tuned to nuances. Of difference in voice, a sudden gesture, a flick here or there ( no wonder i have trouble with internet chats :) ). Even while talking, I notice a lot. And I gather my information in that way ( many times they prove to be correct, sometimes...not ).

My next line of thoughts are generally concerned with Other Person ( first name: Other, Surname: Person). What Other means, what does he/she want and my most important thought..Is everything FAIR! Grrrr.... i wish I could just get away with these thoughts of fairness and equality. It's tough to explain, this strange trait.

I think it stems from my childhood, when I couldn't decide which shoe should I wear first, cos if I wore my right show first, I am being unfair to the left foot and vice versa. And till today, I can never allow any situation to go un-analysed, without a postmortem of which party said/did what, who benefitted and who lost.... and why? And how could the result have been different? All this processing takes time ofcourse. It takes me a lot of time to come to a balanced judgement ( and how unfair... no one asks for this carefully weighed judgement!!. Once I have come to my very delicate balanced analysis, I am at peace, ready to analyse the next situation in queue.

The good thing about this is that, I cannot allow myself to remain angry with one person or situation. I always find a good reason why Other Person said or did this or that. And I am absolutely delighted when I come across with new angles and data to look at the picture more broadly.

Whew! I agree with the people who say that I think too much. My defence, So do a lot of others.

Case closed!!!

Lessons

I am not too sure why i am writing today. I have no real issue or subject. I have this totally tranquil mind now. N yes, i am in thoughtful mood. It helps to think when i am calm.

My life has taken very unexpected twists lately. This phase started from 2008. I changed jobs and came to live in Delhi. then i decided to dump that work and become a lecturer. In my entire life, i had never thought i will ever teach. And lo! I am doing just that and guess what, I am enjoying it.

I met a few people in the course of time and left a lot of people behind. And all along, i learnt some very vital lessons. ( i guess I'm in the mood for sermons today)

The most important thing I learnt was that I should value what I have with me and not keep running behind an elusive mirage. There is no harm in running behind a dream. But at times, I find that we are running in circles and there is no point in running like that. With this lesson i think i must add that I should value time. Opportunity doesn't knock twice. The reason I am still working whereas so many ex-colleagues are out of job is because i went ahead and grabbed the job of a lecturer. If I had waited any longer, I would have been a total zero by now. Not just opportunities, even people dont stick, if you let them slip. We dont meet too many fantastic people in our lives and it's best we enjoy the time we are getting to spend with them rather than be rude and leave them behind.

I always believe that all of us, every one of us, is actually a little baby at heart. We all want lots of affection and gentleness. In our mad rush, we may forget to treat others with the kindness they deserve. We all make mistakes and we all want to be forgiven. It makes sense to forgive others.

The greatest virtue a person can have is courage. Courage to face difficulties and courage to smile when things are not going great. Last December, I was at my lowest. And it was then that I realised that I have huge reservoirs of courage to build something from the rubble around me. I have not built anything yet but I mean to.

I consider myself a feminist. I dont see any reason I should think myself any way inferior to a guy. But, at the same time, I know that girls give too much in a relationship. Just why, I dont know. I have. I have seen countless other women do it as well. It is given a nice name called adjustment. I have seen very strong and opinionated girls take a lot of nonsense from guys. I know where it starts. It starts with a girl and a guy cooing and seeing wonderful rainbows around them. They are different, they know but they love their difference. The guy would adore the girls idiosyncracies. And the girl is delighted that "oh! see! he loves me so muuuuchhh. he says in such a cute way that i shouldn't wear these clothes...i shouldn't mix with my child hood friends ( who are incidentally guys).... i shouldn't take part in the drama cos all guys from the college will hoot and will tarnish my reputation....( blah blah). My boyfriend is sooo concerned abt my reputation and my image. he loves me soooo much". But eventually, in the end, it's just a sublime case of bullying. And just why do girls have to mother their boyfriends, i dont understand. And girls somehow, necessarily have to act silly and helpless, atleast in the initial phase.

I am not too eager to learn lessons from life. That somehow means that I have to go through a lot of hardship. Very honestly, I'd rather live a totally carefree life, without learning any lessons than undergo struggle and learn lessons...and give sermons!