Anyone Else But You

This is in response to some of my wellwishers who expressed that my posts seem to be unusually melancholic. It appears that i am deeply troubled about something, some painful love affair perhaps. To them, I say, Thank You Guys! For trying to cheer me up but I am not troubled and I'm definitely not despodent. In fact, I am deeply happy nowadays, more than I ever was probably.

I have not won any lottery nor have I found some hidden gold mine. It's just that, the future has stopped troubling me. I am no longer running behind illusions. Suddenly, whatever I have, seems too precious. And for this realisation, I want to thank You. I guess this deeply fulfilled state made me type some deeply moving posts which alarmed my friends. :D

I am an ordinary girl with reasonable good looks. I am not the smartest, not the bravest, not the most talented. So obviously I have met too many men, several of whom have declared their undying love for me. You were among those suitors too. I, on my part, never found that special someone. I don't know what exactly was I looking for.... a vague idea of a successfull, tall man with a fantastic sense of humour, who would love and support me, come what may. The usual dream man. So, in my own way, I thought I could find that dream man. I always overlooked You. Was it because I took you for granted? Or was it because You did not seem to fulfill any of my so-called criteria? And everytime, I thought I met the Mr Right, Mr Right would do something dreadfully wrong. But You remained there, always catching me when I tripped, picking me up and even swallowing my sharp words. And so, I kept moving from one Mr Right to the other, confused and sometimes hurt, thinking that the next one will be better.

The next ones were never better. When the day was over and I all I needed was a good steady person You always stood besides me. I never had to compete for your attention, I got it for free. I never had to think twice before calling you because it is impossible to disturb you. You saw the best and worst in me which allowed me to stop pretending to be smarter or more in control. I, on my part know You like the back of palm. Yet You always manage to surprise me.

I hope You know what I am talking about.... that You know what I have left unsaid. I hope You know that there never was or will never be anyone like You.

Unforgotten Unquestioned Unanswered

I wish I could tell you the truth, the whole truth. Truth which is not obscured or half-hidden by inhibitions. When I can safely tell u what you mean to me, without the fear of shy coming.

I did not like you the first time we met. I thought you were a boring guy and I had liked your friend instead. It was a good thing that since I didnt have a crush on you, I could forge such a deep friendship with you. But I did not know that the guy I am confiding in is such a gem of a person.

I dont remember when was the first time you touched me, under what circumstance. But I do remember that I once held your shoulder when you were immensely upset, holding you almost man to man. At that time, i did not know that I will soon be trading my best friend and in return get such a super boyfriend.

And then, that fateful afternoon, when your finger lightly brushed on my lips. Your eyes were screaming. Yelling out to me, to hold you, to pull you back to shore. Did you know that every cell of my being wanted to be touched by you and loved in a way only you can?

You had asked me long back that if we were never to meet again, will I live a normal life? I had smiled and replied that yes I will live. I will live but I won't be alive. At that time, did you know the nuance. It was so long ago....but did you know?

Butterfly Love

He stood there like he always did while waiting for her. Absently kicking a pebble, running his hand through his wind swept hair, humming a silent tune. She watched him as he waited for her. She felt unsure. She wanted to walk up to him, link her arm through his, laugh with him, feel the warmth with emanated from him. Yet, something pulled her back. They had been friends for so long. They shared a casual friendship of two people who know each other for many, many years . Which never progressed beyond pals. It remained a friendship between two strangers who had spent long hours passing the football between each other to devise the best way to win against the Other Team. Strangers who had no common friends. Even after 20 years of knowing him, she was clueless about what kind of guy he really was. All that she knew was that, even when she tied her hair into the tiniest pigtails and he spoke with a lisp, he had got involved in a fistfight with class bully when the bully had called her Stupid ( a terrible abuse for a kindergarten kid).

The years coagulated into thick, viscous and unyielding mass moving slowly, each year rolled into the other. She changed cities, professions even partners. Yet, he remained constant. Not a friend in whom she confided her deepest longings and pains. But a pal, as important as the winter sunshine. She had not intruded into his life and neither had he asked her any uncomfortable questions. His girlfriends never irritated her. Although her boyfriends had been constantly suspicious of the platonic relationship.

"Platonic?" she sighed as she asked herself. Because she knew that all her life, in some strange way, she loved him. But this love demanded nothing. No effort, no time, no agonizing analysis of what did he say and what did he actually mean and no heartburns. It gave her an inexplicable fulfillment. Her place in his universe was something which didn't bother her too much. That she loved him was enough for her.

She gathered her jacket and threw her bag on her shoulder. He caught sight of her and waved. She waved back an skipped towards him breaking into a mini sprint. He laughed as she came besides him.

"I got engaged!", he exclaimed.
She knew this was coming. She had anticipated it. Her heart missed a beat in spite of that.
"Won't you introduce me to her? You rascal!"

She linked her arm through his and they hurriedly walked towards the cafe where she saw a pretty little thing waiting for them.