Prattle of a Fluttering Heart

This evening is my second last evening in Delhi before I embark on yet another journey. Not to a new place neither to a new organization. I am re-joining Infosys, Mysore, the very place I left two years back. In another five months I will marry someone who has been my friend for the last four years. Just like the realization I had that Infosys is a great company, the realization that Tapa, my fiancé is such an integral part of my life has been very recent. A 360 degree turn, don't you think :)

I am full of mixed feelings now. On one hand I am about to start afresh in a new role both professionally and personally. On the other hand my old life calls me back, reluctant to give up the old order. Although I know that the changes will bring forth joys which I have not experienced yet the old order reminds me that it has nurtured me till date.

I will lose so many permanent fixtures of my life. My current location, job description, organization, marital status, permanent address, next to kin, surname. And the subtle, unseen losses. No longer will I just be just a daughter, sister, friend. I will also be someones wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, perhaps a mother too someday.So my entire behavior pattern will alter as well. New responsibilities, expectations, adjustments... words I heard but never implemented.

On Saturday when I leave Delhi, it will be with full awareness that the next time I put my foot on the threshold of this house, where I spent my girlhood, it will be to leave this house permanently.

Will the people around me remember me as a little girl that I was? Will these walls remember the tiny hands which scribbled on them, the voice which filled the rooms with its merry chatter? Will I always remain the daughter of this family, forever?

It fills me with a feeling I can't quite name. Have I really grown up?